Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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