I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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