Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
