Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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