i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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