so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
