My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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