Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
