Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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