So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
