i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
