I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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