Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
where are my eyebrows?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
