Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
