Non-Jews are for practice
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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