dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
