It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
