I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
