watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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