a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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