I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
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Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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