My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
