I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
