My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize