It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Bring me that man meat
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
