But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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