i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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