I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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