3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
