I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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