Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
