Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
