I cockslap morals
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
