dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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