You made me cry and you don't even care
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
