I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
