sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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