I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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