What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
