You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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