I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
