i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
