Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
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I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All I want is dick and wine.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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