i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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