my soul wont recognize me after tonight
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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