You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
