thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
