When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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