You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
