Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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