you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
