How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
