is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
