just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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