There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
